Early and developmental trauma (EDT) is slowly entering the consciousness of many and bit by bit, more are talking about it. Certainly, I love to talk about it, because for me it was the missing piece that explained why I was different to others.
Early trauma is any trauma that happens during the period of in-utero to age 3. Developmental trauma is defined as happening in our developmental years, so in-utero to around the mid 20’s.
Trauma is what is left inside of us after ‘bad things’ happen. The bad thing is often relational and involves our family of origin, but it may not. Examples of family of origin traumas are sometimes obvious like neglect, alcoholism in the family, domestic violence or physical, sexual or emotional abuse from a parent or older relative/sibling. But this type of abuse can also be much more subtle, like having a parent who is there but not ‘present’, having a parent with their own mental health issues or addictions, gaslighting, favouritism, narcissism in a parent or having a parent who for whatever reason, cannot attend, attune and respond to you.
Relational trauma may also come from outside the home, from a teacher, a friend’s parents, a mentor or neighbour etc. Even schoolyard bullying is a form of developmental trauma for many. Trauma may also have its roots in other early experiences, like a difficult pregnancy or birth, being hospitalised or sick when you were young, or accidents.
If we look at early trauma, which can have a profound effect on us, it happens when we are under 3 years old. This is before we have long-term memory properly formed, before we can make meaning of situations and before we have words to put to our experience. This is why this trauma is held in the body, but often without memory or a story. Which, of course, makes it difficult to know if we have EDT or not? Unless we have had someone tell us the story of our early lives, many of us are unaware we have EDT, until we look at its symptoms.
How to know if I have experienced EDT?
A sense of urgency, life or death, do it now…
Don’t spend much time in feeling ‘okay’
Chronic tension
Chronic fatigue
Global high intensity activation (or living in an activated state, vibrating like a ‘live wire’)
Tendency to ‘push, push, go, go’
Lack of sense of self (‘What is my purpose? I don’t belong. There is something wrong with me. I’m broken. Everything feels ‘dangerous.’
Problems in relationships (co-dependency or pushing others away/avoidance)
Experiencing Syndromes (Fibromyalgia, Auto-immune conditions, Sensitivities, Sensory issues).
Sense of existential grief (The world feels broken/dangerous, What’s the point? Deep sadness that has no end.)
How do I heal from EDT?
Slowly. We need to start by gently working on increasing our nervous system capacity. As children, we cannot regulate our own nervous systems. We need the loving presence of another regulated adult to help us learn this skill over many years. If we didn’t have access to enough safety and co-regulation as children, we have perhaps not learned how to self-regulate (or not fully learned it, depending on your life experience), so we don’t yet have the ability to settle and soothe ourselves easily.
We need to learn this, and it takes time. We have probably lived most of our lives in survival energy states, either feeling agitated, worried and anxious, or numb and cut-off from our emotions. Now we must spend time learning to find some ‘okayness’ in the world and in ourselves and start to spend some time there.
Where do I start?
Seeing a practitioner and working with them is a good idea. However, you can do a lot alone.
Start with my free awareness exercise. If you feel ready to work with a therapist, please feel free to reach out to me for a free introductory chat.